Medvorce Stories are true and real cases handled by me in court-annexed mediation. The idea is to bring forth to bring the unique perspective, which otherwise is not available of the real situation, circumstances of interpersonal conflict, the reaction of parties, their approach to the process of mediation and the approach of mediator in handling those cases.
This is the first mediated divorce story in the series of Medvorce stories.
Story of Yashmin and Mohd. Asim
The thought of ending any relationship is difficult, especially in a marital relationship where you might have invested not only time, energy, youth, emotions, finances but the presence of children makes it all the more difficult, no matter how amicable and mutual your couple mediation maybe.
However, this real story of Yashmin’s relationship with her husband reached a happy and satisfactory conclusion in their couple mediation.
It was one of the case referred to me under the court-annexed mediation program at Karkardooma District Court, Delhi, where I had my mediation day on Monday’s. As stated above, it was a couple mediation case.
Engagement with the couple
The case was marked to me by the Judge Incharge and after delivery of case file by the clerk from the meditation center, I saw an aged person with a female (a pardanashin lady) entered the room. The aged person with the lady happens to be her father. They were immediately followed by another male person wearing a Muslim skull cap and with a long beard with some gray hairs in it. There was no need for me to look for names of parties on the case file received to make out that it is a Muslim couple’s case.
The lady was not wearing a burka (a Muslim traditional dress of women covering body and face), however, still she had covered her face with a scarf and only her eyes were visible. Both were seeming quite anxious in the manner they approached in the mediation room.
The parties in mediation are always anxious, which is apparent from their faces. Such anxiousness is not only because of the existing conflict between them but also not knowing the process of mediation. The best way to remove the anxiety of a couple for a mediator is to assure parties, which experts call “building rapport”. The trust-building is very important, it starts from “Introduction and opening statement” and be at the back of the mind of mediator throughout the process of mediation.
A Joint Session:
In the joint session, the wife had joined with her father and Mohd. Asim, the husband was all alone. Although, the parties in mediation are allowed to be accompanied by secondary parties and/or their agents including Advocates they choose to do mediation without any secondary party help. The non-availability of legal help to any of the party or both parties creates a further responsibility upon the mediator to be vigilant and aware of any dominance of a party over others on the count of education, power or any other factor.
The marriage of Yashmin and Mohd. Asim was solemnized under Muslim laws in 2012 and both have a five-year-old son named Bilal. Yashmin was living with her husband in a joint family, where her husband’s elder brother’s family and his mother were also living on the upper floor in the same house. Yashmin separated and now living along with her minor son with her parents. She started disclosing the problems she faced while living together with her husband.
The problems disclosed by her were basically structure dispute (lack of resources) and data disputes (differences in perception/incorrect information or misinterpretation of facts.
There were differences, the relations between the husband and wife became strained. However, unfortunately, in 2017 during the delivery of the second child (premature), a daughter could not survive and died. Mohd. Asim had taken her wife to the hospital and after admission went to the market to buy clothes for yet to delivered baby and Yashmin had been looking for him in the hospital. She called up her own brother, who later joined in the evening. Yashmin believes that her husband’s act of leaving her in the hospital without informing her was an uncaring attitude and was a final blow to their otherwise shaking relations due to past disputes. The delivery later on and the death of a child caused further mental trauma to her and she could not return to matrimonial home since then.
She had now been living separately for almost 3 years. But before separation, the elder brother of the husband (due to cancer) has died and after separation, his mother died.
After the joint session, the parties had a general reflection on what had happened and prepared for how the response would be handled.
There were structure and data disputes between the parties. The husband was not doing well and used to ask for small amounts occasionally from his elder brother (now deceased), which amount he himself admitted were never returned by him. This shows that the husband’s earning capabilities were limited to the family expenses he was supposed to bear.
Besides, the data disputes were relating to the misconceived fear and perception of the Yashmin of her husband having some sort of intimacy with the wife of the deceased elder brother living in the above the floor of the same house.
The husband was careful in not rebutting the allegations instantly or to make counter-allegations on to her wife. He offered by his words a genuine regret by acknowledging the perception and frustration, the pain of the wife, which is indeed not an apology. But the same worked.
Approach of Mediator
The causes and reasons for those perceptions of Yashmin were discussed in the presence of her husband and with the help of Mohd. Asim reasoned with. A particular grudge of Yashmin was about unwarranted interference of the widow of the elder brother in their personal life and the soft attitude of her husband towards her. The perception of the husband was shared with her, who believes a moral duty to maintain the family of his deceased elder brother and being a widow had felt certain social pressure also and thus avoided any confrontation with her.
“There’s a big difference between perception and misconception.” – Alexandra Monir, Suspicion
The parties were continuously reminded to keep in mind the primary purpose of joining the mediation process. The parties were asked to make an assumption that everyone is trying to their best to seek a resolution, to find a workable solution for all.
Encouraging the parties to find a solution for the problem is always a good tactic, which requires that parties must first acknowledge there is a problem. A problem that is not easy to work out a solution for…obviously, else they wouldn’t be seeking help from a mediator.
Resolution
Finally, it was resolved that since the mother of the husband has also expired after separation of Yashmin and one of the children of widowed Bhabhi has become major working in a company. The husband was to some extent relieved of his moral responsibility but still, both can shift along with their child to an adjoining property in the same locality. Both agreed to reconcile their differences to keep the relationship and for the benefit of the future of their minor child. A settlement of reconciliation was recorded accordingly.
If you have any questions feel free to make a comment below so that I can help you further. You can further give suggestion for a new topic on any aspect of Divorce Mediation and Relationship to make a new post. Please, share the blog and this post on your social media with your friends. If you are in a dysfunctional marriage and looking for a quick divorce, visit our website https://medvorce.com for a free registration by creating an account to find if you are qualified for a mutual and uncontested divorce. Let’s start a WhatsApp chat.
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