It is through communication, we process information, and based on that mind perceive things or that we make perceptions. Communication is the only medium to express our unmet needs, to share thoughts, feelings, concerns, and emotions, otherwise in intimate relationships the other partner/spouse would never know your feelings, emotions, or needs. There are several communication styles, however, in marriage “Assertive Communication” Style is better, which is the openness to interact for unmet needs, concerns, feelings, and emotions with understanding and respect to the emotions of others.
In the Indian social system, females are brought up with the teaching from parents not to express their needs and desires openly. It is this mindset, which builds up behavior in their adulthood, and a wife more often than not subdues her needs, values, feelings, and emotions. A wife needs to be assertive, an open mindset for sharing her needs and concerns positively without offending or criticizing her husband. Such assertiveness has its benefits and it builds upon trust and commitment in a relationship.
“Being assertive means, an open mindset for sharing her needs and concerns in a positive manner without offending or criticizing her husband.”
When most of the marital relationships in India suffer with the fact that wives are often co-dependent for all her needs upon the husband. Be it due to lack of education and career there is no independent financial stability in an average Indian wife and therefore are left with no options but be a co-dependant. It is not that co-dependency is bad. It is an innate tendency of all humans to seek some sort of dependency on their attachment base, be it parents, husband, or any other significant one. This dependency is not only for their needs and wants but also for emotional well being.
Since, when a wife is always co-dependent for her needs, the most important amongst them is the need for self-identity. A wife needs herself to be considered as someone adding value to the relationship, to be involved in small and bigger decisions concerning their relationship. To help create a self-identity for another spouse should be the prime goal in a marital relationship. This self-identity brings trust and commitment, which in turn helps a wife in being open to interact for her needs and concerns and be assertive.
Being assertive in the marital relationship has its benefits. The following are the benefits:-
1. Improve Communication:
If you ask a man, how he feels in a given situation it would be less descriptive concerning the emotional aspect. It is because of their upbringing and the general worldly concept of man being a tougher and one to sheath away tears, sorrow, and pain. The man in general is low on expression and understanding of emotions. On the contrary, females are brought up with a belief that it is not proper to be openly expressive about your needs, which leads to wives often expect their husbands to know themselves, what they need and their emotions without any communication. “ha ha”, it is ironical that wife expects to understand her emotions without communicating from a person, who has such low emotional intelligence.
Therefore, open and assertive communication is so essential in marriages. This openness helps in proper expression through effective communication and it helps in communicating better. The wife speaks clearly and appropriately in better control of her emotions. The interactions are with clear and tampered tones, they also act as good listeners and maintaining proper eye contact. This creates a proper environment for another spouse and does not allow them to manipulate.
2. Reduce stress and bring emotional well being:
An open and assertive communication style brings a major change and a wife would no longer found herself in the trap, where she will feel shy or remain subdue avoiding telling her needs and then thinking she made a sacrifice. The husband being oblivious of the so-called sacrifice of her wife and never acknowledged, which brings resentment and sadness for the wife.
The open and non-violent communication would avoid any such situation and she would be able to share her needs and concerns more clearly with confidence and in a controlled manner. A wife would not be facing any uncertainty due to open communication reducing any sort of anxiety and stress bringing her emotional well being. The benefit towards mental and emotional health is a single good enough reason for it to be practiced by every single wife in a marital relationship.
There are other styles of communication like Passive and Aggressive. A passive communicator/wife would always lack the skill to effectively communicate and it would lead to a feeling of being misunderstood and thus suffer from unmet needs. On the other hand, an aggressive communicator/wife would be dominating, speak loudly, and belive to enforce things as an order, makes judgments and thus would result in resentment. An assertive is a balance of both, where a wife tends to express her needs, feelings, concerns, and emotions, while also being aware of any possible conflict with the needs of others including her husband.
3. Create Identity for yourself:
The biggest concern of a newly married wife is the fear of lost identity. The intimacy in the marital relationship is such that this relation becomes so prominent and a wife immersed with it that later she realized losing her own identity. The self-identity is necessary and a need for everyone to have a dignified living.
Therefore, developing her self-identity should be the priority in any intimate relationship. Such self-identity further encourages and leads to self-care bringing overall good health to the wife.
4. Bring Trust and more honesty in relations
An aggressive person is normally candid and outspoken and argues with others for any disagreement, are difficult to make bonds. Such behavior rebuts any Trust and commitment from another spouse. Similarly, a passive person who is facing an identity issue lacks self-confidence with diminishing self-esteem, ruminate for not being considered seriously, another spouse is not likely to find a connection or trust. There is no possibility of an honest relation due to their respective communication style.
However, a person with an assertive communication style naturally brings trust back into focus. Since, such wives are open in their needs and concerns and never hiding their feelings and emotions, thus bringing honesty in the relationship.
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The Author, Legal Mind Ajit Kumar, is a Relationship Coach, Family Mediator, and an expert in conflict resolution besides being a practicing Divorce/Family Lawyer. For one to one online/phone counselling on any relationship issues, you can take an appointment on WhatsApp @ 9810522134. If you are in a dysfunctional marriage and looking for a quick divorce, visit our website https://medvorce.com for a free registration by creating an account to find if you are qualified for a mutual and uncontested divorce.
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