In any social interaction, true and realistic communication is the basic assumption. True and realistic communication is the basis for any relationship through which one can share and pass on his/her ideas, knowledge, experience and emotions, etc. to another person.
Understanding of effective communication is one of the essentials that we must learn; to enhance better opportunity in professional life and peace in personal relationships.
A couple of years back, I had a dialogue with a total stranger old man with about 50 years of a successful marriage and curiously asked him What was the secret of their successful marriage? How they manage to handle a conflict situation in the marriage? I asked, Did you ever fight? He said, #NoSir.
The old guy further responded saying that the secret of managing to get along well all these years was conscious decision to hear each other without interruption. They merely “LISTEN” to each other.
There are other ingredients of communication but amongst them all, the most important ingredient in effective communication is “Listening”.
Listening
We hear from ears but we listen by applying cognitive faculties with intent to understand what we hear from our ears. Thus, this process of understanding the other person’s thoughts, feeling and emotions behind the verbal statement is the crux of listening.
The “Art of Listening” is not difficult to know and understand but most of us are terrible in applying it in life.
How do we can become a better listener and become an expert in the art of listening?
Don’t be a Multi-Tasker during a conversation
Would you like to discuss your issue, personal or professional with a person, who at the start of conversation indulges himself on to computer/smartphone handling his social updates? You would feel such an attitude to be disrespectful to you and your time.
Think and apply it to yourself. Show your wife, the importance of her in your life by giving sole attention. Avoid using a smartphone/computer or trying to be multi-tasker during a conversation with your wife. Else, it is much better to justify the exigency of your work and assure her of listening after work or at a designated time.
Don’t always act as a problem solver
This the critical mistake most of the husband’s do. Have you ever seen a TV political debates, every Anchor had a tendency of jumping, obstructing and making presumption without hearing the guest completely?
Think when for last time you have shown eagerness to Share a solution to a problem discussed by your wife. Don’t jump up on to a conclusion without hearing your wife completely, as she might not be seeking a solution from you but just need an endorsement from you or wants to see if you understand her emotions, feelings for a given situation.
Reaffirmation, reframing and imitating the body language
The communication tools/techniques like Reaffirmation, reframing and imitating the body language works well endorsing and making the other person comfortable. Merely by confirmation of a fact or action talked about or repeating in your own words, the fact or situation being talked about would endorse to your wife that you are listening.
In a similar manner, the imitation of her body language also shows that you are in sync with her and understanding her feelings and emotions. All this makes communication better.
Don’t always react but respond
Listening requires allowing others to explain his/her thought. You must be aware of and appreciate the other’s weaknesses, physical or phycological to explain his/her thoughts or the difficulty in articulating it properly. One must understand that to speak sometimes you have to recall the events of past and one might take some extra time to explain.
Hasn’t there been a situation, when you hear your wife and were in a hurry to give a response without even closure of her sentence? You tend to focus on the response to be given instead of understanding what is said. Your response need not always be a rebuttal or reply; it could be built on what has already been said by first-party/wife.
Don’t presume. Listen with the assumption that you might be listening to something new. Refrain from reacting instantly. Don’t react but respond. Be patient, you will get your opportunity in a while, meanwhile, take the opportunity to understand one speaking to you.
Listening not to judge a person or his/her actions
While listening you should be free from the assumption, bias, preconceived notions and therefore, should hear the other person not to judge but to listen. The moment you start judging the person without listening, it is communicated to the other person from your changed body language. The person can read that you are judging him/her in a negative way and obviously, jeopardize the whole conversation.
“Focus on Clarifying what is being observed, felt and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging,”– , Marshall B. Rosenberg – Being Me, Loving You (Nonviolent Communication Guides)
Have you heard of the rule of 7-38-55 effective communication? Dr. Albert Mehrabian had made two studies in 1967 and came out with this rule. Do you know the communication includes and comprise of, verbal communication (7%), non-verbal communication (55%) (body language, gesture, facial expression, etc.) and tone of voice (38%)? Amongst these, the body language has a maximum 55% share of transfer to information ineffective communication.
Listening without prejudging is very essential, especially to a negotiator or mediator. It is equally important in personal relationships too. Listening well can bring a critical transition in your personal relationship and good life. Doesn’t it, most of us aspire to be.
The Author, Legal Mind Ajit Kumar, is a Divorce Coach, Family Mediator and an expert in conflict resolution besides being a practicing Divorce/Family Lawyer. If you are in a dysfunctional marriage and looking for a quick divorce, visit our website https://medvorce.com for a free registration by creating an account to find if you are qualified for a mutual and uncontested divorce.
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